Miss Manners: I gave the teen money, and now I’m in an awkward situation

DEAR MISS MANNERS A young cousin of mine graduated from high school this spring and will be going to college in the fall Related Articles Miss Manners The marriage proposal you saw on TikTok was bogus Miss Manners Is it really that weird to ask the server to pick my meal for me Miss Manners The last straw with this woman was a dispute in my own kitchen Miss Manners I opened the office door and only then realized it was an unwanted visitor Miss Manners I was furious about being poked on the airplane I demanded his mother what celebrations they were planning she responded that he didn t seem to be interested in having a party I desired to acknowledge his accomplishments so the next time I saw him at another cousin s wedding reception I presented him with a graduation card with a small monetary gift inside His parents may not be aware of this Since then I have received an invitation to a party in his honor I don t want to show up empty-handed but my budget limits my generosity What would be the best way to proceed GENTLE READER The present you gave him acknowledged his graduation What would be the purpose of a second one To demonstrate to the graduate s parents that you are paying for admission to the party The don t-show-up-empty-handed mantra now rivals the don t-use-the-guest-towels one They are the rare directives that still command obedience in an otherwise lax society People who do not respond to invitations who feel free to criticize the menu and who never reciprocate still obey these supposed rules But guests are supposed to use the guest towels and they create problems by grabbing the family towels or going without washing And while it is charming to bring flowers or chocolates to hosts it becomes a nuisance if every arrival hands over an odd bottle of wine or particular random object making the foyer look like a rummage shop Presents are voluntary You needed to give one to your cousin and you did so now decide if you want to give him a second one to impress his parents Up to you DEAR MISS MANNERS I own a beachfront timeshare with two bedrooms each with a full bath attached When I invite a guest should I offer them the much larger owner s suite or the very-nice-but-smaller guest suite Do I take my guidance from the names of these spaces or should I give my guest the larger space GENTLE READER The reason you have a guest room a rather lush one Miss Manners gathers is to avoid resenting your guest for displacing you from your own room So please put your guest in the room for guests DEAR MISS MANNERS When nonprofits display lists of their donors I ve seen couples names written two methods One way puts the female name first e g Joan and James Smith and the other puts the male name first James and Joan Smith I was wondering if one is more proper than the other or if there is a reason behind either method I plan to mail a few invitations to several couples for a function and I want to know which format you would suggest I use Related Articles Dear Abby They ask about the ring my husband gave me and I don t know what to say Asking Eric When she learned of our baby s birth she was furious Harriette Cole It s not that I m stingy I just don t have the money to tip Miss Manners The marriage proposal you saw on TikTok was bogus Dear Abby The graduate s guest list threatens to create unwanted drama GENTLE READER People who have a marked preference for one or the other are possibly influenced by conflicting traditions namely the common Mr and Mrs form and the ladies first idea Both are in question these days and we have not settled on a standard But why need your list be standardized You should use each couple s preferences if you know them And organizations that list donors would be well-advised to add a line to their donation form asking couples how they want to be identified Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO