Miss Manners: She’s declared herself the dessert boss, and the rest of us end up paying

DEAR MISS MANNERS I go out to dinner twice a month with a group of five friends We consistently ask for separate checks so there is never any quibbling about how to pay Related Articles Miss Manners Don t they realize it s rude to make a car chirp like that Miss Manners How do I tell a medical expert not to swear in front of my kid Miss Manners I have to wear a name tag and I hate the way these men say my name Miss Manners I have a competition I play with strangers Am I being rude Miss Manners Could I have described her the conversation was hurtful to me However one friend consistently orders desserts for the table She does not ask whether people would like to share dessert or what to order but just charges ahead I never partake of the desserts I have more than enough to eat with my entree already and work to resist adding anything else I occasionally feel pressured to help pay for the desserts but truly I d rather not since I d prefer not to order them in the first place On the other hand it feels awkward to sit at a table with shared desserts and not chip in when the bill comes What s the etiquette on this I ll happily chip in if that s the right thing to do although unfortunately knowing that I m paying for a share in the desserts will make it harder for me to resist them GENTLE READER Since your friend s dessert trick occurs regularly it seems to Miss Manners that you should come prepared next time by saying as she orders Thank you but I m not having dessert in the modern day But you all go ahead Then you had better hope that your psychological scheme works and you are not tempted to partake even when pressured to do so DEAR MISS MANNERS Is it acceptable to place a small evening clutch on the table while dining out Often the restaurant chairs have open backs so if I place the clutch behind me it falls to the floor In the worst cases it spills its contents too If I place it in my lap under my napkin if frequently slides to the floor especially if my dress has a slippery fabric If I try to place it under my leg it cuts off circulation even if I manage not to crush the contents The majority clutches don t have straps to accommodate a purse hook either But I ve seen so numerous severe comments against placing a bag on the table I m at a loss GENTLE READER Why the manufacturing industry has not caught on to the fact that women carry stuff especially when that same industry encourages buying that stuff in the first place is beyond Miss Manners Just look at how pathetically grateful we are when our skirts have pockets Related Articles Dear Abby My husband s excuse is that he only ogles women who are prettier than me Asking Eric My son wants me to intercede with the in-laws I don t know what to say Harriette Cole I think a month in another country is too much for my teen Miss Manners Don t they realize it s rude to make a car chirp like that Dear Abby My wife s big issue is hidden in the closet With all the great inventions of the modern world can no one create accommodations for our bags Not just at restaurant tables but in driver s seats at pubs in theaters on buses And not just those table hooks that leap to the floor at the slightest movement We should not have to make a fuss But until Miss Manners makes her fortune by inventing a key that works she will allow you to place your clutch on the table If there are complaints she urges you to turn to the server for an alternate recommendation perhaps another chair can be procured If we keep making our voices heard perhaps one day there will be change Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO